i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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