shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
