you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
