I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
