I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
