Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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