anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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