So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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