he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize