Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
