I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
