Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
