Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
