yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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