i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
