i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize