Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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