Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
