Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
