upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
