Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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