he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
