so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
