Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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