I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
