everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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