none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
