he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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