matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
