Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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