you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
