he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
this hospital has no fireball
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
