My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize