Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
