I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
