before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
