I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
