Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
