i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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