no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
