lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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