My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize