You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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