her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
