If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
