In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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