By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
