I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
