My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
