I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
ok first of all what the fuck
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
