I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
