this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
