I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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