I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
