Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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