Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
