I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
