Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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