The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
