this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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