My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
