Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We got so high we made milksteak
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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