It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
