and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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