she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
