if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
