its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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