some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
