we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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