I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
