if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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